Feeling too much or not enough

Many people come to counselling carrying a painful belief about themselves.
They may feel too emotional, too needy, too intense, or at the same time not confident enough, not good enough, not deserving enough.

Often these beliefs do not arrive as clear thoughts. Instead, they show up as shame, overwhelm, self-criticism, or a constant sense of getting things wrong. You might find yourself monitoring what you say, minimising your needs, or feeling exposed for simply having feelings at all.

If this resonates, it is important to know that these feelings usually did not come from nowhere.

Where do these feelings come from?

In psychodynamic counselling, feelings of being “too much” or “not enough” are understood as rooted in earlier emotional experiences, particularly within relationships where needs, emotions, or ways of being were not fully met, understood, or welcomed.

This may include:

• Growing up with inconsistent, unavailable, or emotionally overwhelmed caregivers

• Being valued for coping, achieving, or being “easy” rather than for expressing feelings

• Having emotions dismissed, criticised, or ignored

• Experiences of trauma, loss, or emotional neglect

• Feeling responsible for others’ feelings at a young age

Over time, a child may learn that certain feelings are unsafe, unacceptable, or burdensome. These experiences are often turned inward, developing a harsh inner voice that says, “I am too sensitive,” “I ask for too much,” or “If I were better, I would not feel like this.”

These beliefs are not flaws. They are adaptations, often developed to survive emotionally in environments where there was limited space to be fully oneself.

Shame, overwhelm, and emotional regulation

Shame often sits at the centre of feeling too much or not enough. It is not just about feeling bad, it is about feeling fundamentally wrong.

When shame is active, emotions can feel overwhelming and difficult to regulate. You may move between holding everything in and feeling emotionally flooded, or between self-criticism and emotional shutdown. This can affect relationships, self-esteem, and your sense of stability within yourself.

Psychodynamic counselling pays close attention to these emotional patterns, not to label or fix them, but to understand how they developed and what they may be protecting.

How psychodynamic counselling can help

Psychodynamic counselling offers a calm, reflective space where deeply held beliefs can begin to soften.

Rather than focusing on quick solutions, the work involves gently exploring where these feelings come from, understanding how past relationships continue to shape present experiences, noticing inner critical voices and emotional defences, and developing emotional regulation through being understood over time.

Within the therapeutic relationship, patterns may begin to emerge, including how you relate to closeness, safety, and vulnerability. Having these experiences thought about and held with care can be deeply reparative.

Over time, many people notice that shame becomes less consuming, emotions feel more manageable, self-criticism softens into self-understanding, and there is more space to feel enough as they are.

This work is not about becoming someone else. It is about reconnecting with parts of yourself that may have been hidden, muted, or judged for a long time.

Recovery is not about fixing yourself

If you feel too much or not enough, it can be tempting to believe that something about you needs to change. Psychodynamic counselling offers a different understanding, that these feelings make sense in the context of your history, and that healing happens through understanding rather than self-criticism.

Recovery often begins with having your experience taken seriously, perhaps for the first time, and discovering that your feelings can be thought about rather than pushed away or judged.

You do not need to have the right words or a clear explanation before starting counselling. We begin wherever you are, at a pace that feels manageable, with curiosity rather than judgement.