Why talking doesn't always feel easy

Starting therapy is often imagined as sitting down and simply talking. For some people, that feels manageable. For others, it can feel awkward, exposing, or unexpectedly hard. You may know you want support, but feel unsure what to say, where to begin, or how to put things into words.

Often, the difficulty isn’t about not having anything to talk about. It’s about how vulnerable it can feel to speak openly with another person, especially if you’ve spent years managing on your own, holding things inside, or learning to keep parts of yourself hidden.

“I don’t know what to say”

This is one of the most common worries people bring to counselling. You might feel anxious about silence, pressure to say something meaningful, or concern that you are somehow doing therapy “wrong”. Some people apologise for not knowing where to start, while others worry that what they want to talk about isn’t important enough.

Within the counselling relationship, not knowing what to say is not something that needs fixing. It can be met with patience and curiosity. Hesitation, uncertainty, or silence often carry meaning of their own, particularly at the beginning, or when something emotionally significant is nearby.

When talking becomes difficult during therapy

Talking can also feel harder once therapy is underway. You might notice yourself avoiding certain topics, changing the subject, minimising how you feel, or feeling suddenly blank when something important comes close.

This is a very human response. Often, it reflects a wish to feel safe within the relationship, especially if past experiences involved being judged, misunderstood, or overwhelmed. Avoidance is not a sign that therapy isn’t working, but a way of protecting yourself until enough trust has developed.

The importance of the counselling relationship

Counselling is not about being pushed to talk or expected to explain yourself clearly before you are ready. The therapeutic relationship offers a steady, confidential space where thoughts and feelings can gradually emerge.

Part of the work involves paying attention together to how it feels to speak, to hold back, to search for words, or to sit quietly. Over time, this shared attention can help difficult experiences feel more manageable and less lonely.

The pace matters. A trusting relationship allows you to move at your pace, to revisit things more than once, and to find language when it becomes possible.

A gentler way of approaching therapy

You do not need to arrive with a clear story, a plan, or the right words. Therapy begins wherever you are, and we work at a pace that feels manageable for you. Silence, uncertainty, and hesitation are all welcome parts of the process.

If talking doesn’t feel easy, you are not doing therapy wrong. Often, those moments are where safety, understanding, and change begin to take shape within the counselling relationship itself.

If you’re thinking about starting counselling, or have noticed that certain things feel difficult to speak about, this is something we can explore together gently and without pressure.